http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090915/od_nm/us_porn
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090915/od_nm/us_power

Iran mannequins

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090922/od_nm/us_mannequins_shops

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2009/09/21/BAG119QHU6.DTL&feed=rss.news

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/09/20/texas.prisoner.escape/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

James Bond or Batman joke. Great Escape joke?

Bang for your medical buck.

Doctor gets 5 years for trading prescriptions for cash and sex

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/20090908_Phila__doc_gets_5_years_for_trading_prescriptions_for_cash_or_sex.html

That's what I call a working health care system.

Mexican health care for all Americans

By Chris Hawley, USA TODAY
MEXICO CITY — It sounds almost too good to be true: a health care plan with no limits, no deductibles, free medicines, tests, X-rays, eyeglasses, even dental work — all for a flat fee of $250 or less a year.

To get it, you just have to move to Mexico.

As the United States debates an overhaul of its health care system, thousands of American retirees in Mexico have quietly found a solution of their own, signing up for the health care plan run by the Mexican Social Security

http://www.usatoday.com/news/world/2009-08-31-mexico-health-care_N.htm

I'm so sick of these immigrants coming in here and taking our jobs and using our government programs, and loading down our health care system. Oh wait, they don't. Because we don't have a health care system. Americans go to Mexico for health care.

Border crossing

The number of people crossing the northern and southern land borders into the USA has dropped sharply since a passport requirement began June 1.

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/2009-09-08-borders_N.htm?csp=34

I assume they mean that "legal" immigration has gone down.

Because health care is too cheap

WASHINGTON (AP) -- Americans would be fined up to $3,800 for failing to buy health insurance under a plan that circulated in Congress on Tuesday as President Barack Obama met Democratic leaders to search for ways to salvage his health care overhaul.

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/U/US_HEALTH_CARE_OVERHAUL?SITE=CACRU&SECTION=HOME&TEMPLATE=DEFAULT

Do you need to penalize not buying health care? Isn't dying punishment enough?

One wedding and a funeral

Parents honor dead son's wish, wed at end of his funeral.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/US/09/08/ny.funeral.wedding/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn

Said the parents: "We just liked calling him 'bastard' too much to get married."

I bet they were thinking: "Now that we've gotten that little bastard out of the way, it's time to celebrate!"

Religious Hazing

LOUISVILLE — A mother is angry about a trip led by the head football coach at Breckinridge County High School. The coach took about 20 players on a school bus late last month to his church, where nearly half of them — including her son — were baptized.

http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2009-09-07-kentucky-football-trip-baptisms_N.htm?csp=34

I would be angry,too. Those kids shouldn't be out getting baptized. They should be out drinking and getting girls pregnant. And what kind of a wussy coach gets them baptized? "Son, I want you to be a winner! I want you to be a cancer on society not finding religion!"

Just one more example of out-of-control young people.

Those crazy kids...

Who said evangelicals can't have fun?

Drunk Chess

CHENNAI, India (Reuters) – A leading French chess player turned up drunk and dozed off after just 11 moves in an international tournament in Kolkata, losing the round on technical grounds, domestic media reported Friday.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20090904/od_nm/us_chess_india_drunk

Why should you be penalized for being drunk? That seems like the only way to make chess tolerable.

Sitcom jokes come to life

UPDATE, 1:02 PM ET:Orlando's local CBS television affiliate is reporting that the man who allegedly jumped off the Carnival Sensation last night was heard arguing with a woman just before the incident.

"He threatened to jump, and she said, 'Go ahead,' and he did," passenger Marie McDonald tells Orlando's Local 6 News. "Then we heard the man screaming, 'Help! Help!"'

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/cruises/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=68498346.blog

LANCASTER, Pa. - A Pennsylvania man said he robbed a bank in 2007 to go to jail and get away from his overbearing wife.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/32653327/

When did life turn into a series of hackneyed sitcom jokes? These stories should come complete with rim shots.

Disney to the Rescue

(7:56 AM) -- A Disney cruise ship sailing off the coast of Florida has rescued a Carnival passenger who went overboard during the night.

http://www.usatoday.com/travel/cruises/item.aspx?type=blog&ak=68498346.blog

The captain was quoted as saying: "You won't escape this time, Peter Pan."

Champaign Stand-Off

"Battling an intensely hot fire after a semitrailer crashed on Interstate 80, emergency crews were surprised to find themselves suddenly fired upon — by corks from exploding wine bottles inside."

http://www.usatoday.com/news/offbeat/2009-09-05-wine-truck-fire_N.htm

The wine bottles were overheard saying: "You'll never drink me alive, coppers!"

Strippers and Mother's Day Gifts

Five men in South Carolina were arrested last week for holding up an armored car. They then spent the money on strippers and Mother’s Day gifts.

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/us_world/2009/08/24/2009-08-24_six_armored_car_robbers_ask_for_mercy_after_spending_.html

I’m guessing that if you’re from South Carolina and you’re robbing armored cars, the money you spent on strippers and on Mother’s day gifts is going to the exact same woman.

Top 10 Meals That Gamers Enjoy

An article recently broke down the top 10 meals that video gamers enjoy. Among them were hot pockets, pop tarts, leftover pizza, and a big heaping bowl of sadness frosted with loneliness.

http://kokugamer.com/2009/07/19/top-10-meals-that-gamers-enjoy

Juarez Rehab

"Gunmen killed at least 18 people at a drug rehabilitation clinic in the border city of Ciudad."

Juarez.http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/world/6601848.html

That's what I call rehab! Those people will never touch drugs again!