Speak French using pauses

Orange and Black Calico Lobster

An orange and black calico lobster was recently caught off the coast of Maine. People in Maine are calling it one of the rarest lobsters in existence. And people everywhere else are calling it “a cat.” That’s a cat! Not every animal in Maine is a lobster!

August 30th, 2010

Detroit Zoo Flash Art Projects

300 people at a Detroit zoo in Michigan tried to hold still for three minutes as part of a public art project. The tigers who organized the project said: “This is almost too easy.”

August 20th, 2010

Bridge Colour Scheme

Some people in West Virginia are unhappy about the colour scheme of a newly renovated bridge. The University of West Virginia fans wanted blue and Marshall University fans wanted green and everybody else finally understood why West Virginia has no infrastructure.

August 20th, 2010

Darkest Day in West Virginia's history

West Virginia has prohibited the selling of hard liquor during the snap election to fill Robert Byrd's senate seat. West Virginians are calling it the darkest day in West Virginia history, even darker than Robert Byrd's death.

White Trash Couple of the Year

A man in New Hampshire is ordered not to drink alcohol at his wedding so he and his sister can both attend. Now accepting nominations for white trash couple of the year.

USA Today, August 25th.

Only A Drill

A 72 year old woman was shot by her husband during a "robbery drill." The husband stressed to his wife that it was "only a drill" and that the "gun was loaded" and to "stand right there and don't move."

USA Today, August 25th

Hogan!

An inmate escaped from a maximum security prison three times. After three times,that's almost endearing. They become a lovable scamp at that point. It's like an episode of Hogan's Heroes. Hogan! Did you construct an underground netowrk of secret tunnels to commit armed robbery! Hogan!

I was doing research. First controvery wasn't that, it was that someone had stolen the idea. Someone had seen the idea for an didn't say: "This is unconscionable", they said "What a great idea! Why didn't I think of that?"

USA, August 25th

Box Marked "Drugs"

The state of Kentucky is trying to keep prescription drugs out of the hands of teenagers by instructing people to dispose of them in public drop boxes. Because nothing will keep drugs out of the hands of teenagers like dropping them in a box marked "drugs."

USA Today, August 2nd

Welcome to Oz!

A construction worker in Vermont was found trapped under a street sweeper with his legs sticking out. The police officer who found him said: "Well, I checked for ruby slippers, and then the yellow brick road, and then the Munchkin City, and when I determined that we weren't in Oz, I thought that it was safe to pull him out."

USA Today, July 28th.

The World Sauna Championships

The World Sauna Championships were held in Finland and the two finalists had to be taken to the hospital for severe burns. The Finnish police are investigating the people responsible for the accident. How about the organizers of the sauna championships? Who could have predicted that a competition in which competitors sit in a 23o degree sauna would end badly?

http://www.france-info.com/monde-europe-2010-08-08-le-championnat-du-monde-de-sauna-stoppe-apres-la-mort-d-un-finaliste-474071-14-15.html

One quarter of Kansans consider themselves to be obese.

More than one-fourth of Kansans contacted by the Center for Diseas control considered themselves to be obese during phone interviews. The center might have guessed as much when the people answering their phones said: "Is this Domnio's! I gave you directions already! Turn right at the Jiffy Lube and then down the gravel road into the trailer park!"

USA Today, August 5th

"Ride to Live"

Harley-Davidson might be moving out of Wisconsin if it can't bring down its labor costs. I guess the expression "Ride to Live" will take on a whole other meaning now that its former employees will be living out of their cars.


USA Today, August 5th

MLK likeness shipped from China

A block of granite bearing the likeness of Martin Luther King, Jr., will be shipped from Xiamen, China to Washington, D.C. So even sculptures of civil rights leaders are trying to flee China.

USA Today, February 12th

Man in Montana solves the housing crisis

A man in Montana is being charged with breaking into foreclosed-upon homes, changing the locks, and then filing paperwork claiming that he owned the houses. Now there’s a man who understands how to solve the housing crisis.

USA Today, February 19th

Prison Inmates train Violent Dogs

A sheriff’s office in Georgia has begun placing violent dogs from animal shelters with inmates in the hopes that the inmates will train the animals in order to give them suitable homes. So now the dogs won’t attack people, they’ll just r__e them. And what better way to reduce the aggression-level of already violent animals then to have them trained by prison inmates?

USA Today, February 19th

Marion Barry

Marion Barry is in trouble again. He is accused of (?) contract from a girlfriend. The levels of corruption that these politicians have sunk to is incredible. What's next? I can only hope Marion Barry keeps his nose clean and doesn't betray the public's trust even further.

USA Today, February 19th.