MLK likeness shipped from China

A block of granite bearing the likeness of Martin Luther King, Jr., will be shipped from Xiamen, China to Washington, D.C. So even sculptures of civil rights leaders are trying to flee China.

USA Today, February 12th

Man in Montana solves the housing crisis

A man in Montana is being charged with breaking into foreclosed-upon homes, changing the locks, and then filing paperwork claiming that he owned the houses. Now there’s a man who understands how to solve the housing crisis.

USA Today, February 19th

Prison Inmates train Violent Dogs

A sheriff’s office in Georgia has begun placing violent dogs from animal shelters with inmates in the hopes that the inmates will train the animals in order to give them suitable homes. So now the dogs won’t attack people, they’ll just r__e them. And what better way to reduce the aggression-level of already violent animals then to have them trained by prison inmates?

USA Today, February 19th

Marion Barry

Marion Barry is in trouble again. He is accused of (?) contract from a girlfriend. The levels of corruption that these politicians have sunk to is incredible. What's next? I can only hope Marion Barry keeps his nose clean and doesn't betray the public's trust even further.

USA Today, February 19th.

Rhode Island Tax Officials Threatening To Shame Tax Delinquents

RI state tax officials are threatening to shame tax delinquents into paying their taxes by putting their name on the (which?) website. The officials are dubbing this the: "Go to your room" ("Time out", "Wait until your father gets home") approach to law enforcement.

USA Today, February 19th.

Pitbull owner's grandmother trying to get pitbulls banned.

The grandmother of a man in North Dakota who recently acquired three pit pit bulls is trying to pass an law banning the animals in her home town. Said the nepehw: "That's the last time I buy you a Christmas present, grandma. Some people would just say 'no, thank you.'"

USA Today, February 19th.

Catholic Church ends its foster care program

The Catholic church is ending its foster care program, rather than license same-sex couples. See? Gay marriage ruins (foster) families right and left.

USA Today, Feb. 20th.

Environmental Condoms

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Poor fit may explain why men refuse condoms

A study done by the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender and Reproduction found that the reason that some men refuse to wear condoms is that the condoms don't fit well. This study was conducted by every gullible girl who ever got pregnant at 17. Said the men: "Yeah, I'd like to wear condoms, but this stretchy ___-shaped piece of latex won't fit over my ___ ."

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20100216/od_nm/us_condoms

God Hates Dance Instructors

A man in Wisconsin was arrested for shocking a dance instructor with a stun gun, saying that his church disapproved of dance instructors because they defiled married women. Your church allows you to shock dance instructors? What church is that? That's awesome! I think I might have found religion again...

$500 Worth of KFC Chicken

The bust of Colonel Sanders was stolen from the original Kentucky Fried Chicken in Berea, Kentucky. And instead of offering a financial reward, they are offering $500 worth of grilled chicken because the company said that: “Our world famous chicken is a better motivator than money.” If you’re the type of person who would take KFC food over money, you have no chance of finding the bust of Colonel Sanders. The only way you could find it is if they put a trail of chicken leading up to the stolen statue. And if you are the kind of person who would take KFC food over money, you probably stole it in the first place. I think that it’s a trap.

The most awesome person alive

A drunk man stole a purse from the wake of a police chief, then stole a car from the parking lot, and then crashed it. Police are charging him with being the most awesome person alive. Police were also overheard saying: "Mr. Barkley, that's the third time this week."

White People Study Race Relations

The Oregon League of Minority Voters is offering scholarships to white college students to study race relations. Because what better way to promote the interests of minorities than to offer white people money to study them better?